What they really meant to say…

What he meant to sayOh my yes.  His ass is mine.  I shall love it and rape it and call it George.

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The Life and Times of Oliver Wendell Jones

A look at Twitter and there is currently a kerfuffle over the lack of intelligence of Oliver Wendell Jones.  This is my rebuttal, and I will attempt to prove that Jones was a national treasure that left us too soon.

Jones, by all accounts, was a child prodigy.  After he conned his parents into purchasing a Banana 6000 computer, Jones quickly studied and learned the art of Hacking, and was responsible for some of the most amazing hacks of the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Once, Jones hacked into the New York Times and changed a headline that read “Reagan Calls Women ‘America’s Greatest Resource'” to read “Reagan Calls Women ‘America’s Lil’ Dumplin’s'” to the digest of feminists everywhere.  Who can forget the White House lawn littered with dumplings after the 1987 Dumpling Attack lead by feminists nationwide?

In addition to being a hacker, Jones was an accomplished inventor.  He built an atomic bomb for a middle school science project, which got him promptly expelled.  He then went on to invent the Electro-photo pigmentizer, a device designed to darken the skin tone of anyone flashed by it.  Jones planned on using the Electro-photo pigmentizer on the Ambassador of South Africa in a misguided attempt to bring down apartheid.

Perhaps his greatest achievement was beating Stephen Hawking to the Grand Unification Theory.  His first proof was nearly disastrous, when he almost wiped out of existence his best friend, Opus, but at the last possible second, realized he forgot to carry a 2, and the crisis was averted.  However, it did start a bitter feud between Hawking and Jones that continued until Jones untimely disappearance.

Jones mysteriously disappeared in 1995, last seen at a cafe named Outland in Bloom County, New York.  He is now believed to be deceased, although rumors have circulated that he was hanging around newsstands all over the country in the mid-2000’s.  This has not been confirmed.

All images associated with this post are the copyright of Berkeley Breathed, whom I hold in the highest esteem, and hope he will forgive me for the unauthorized use of his work.  If a certain adjudicated harasser wishes to contact Breathed and report my use of his copyright, I hope he includes his use of Oliver Wendell Jones, so that perhaps Breathed will get as big a laugh as the rest of us.  In an effort to make up for using Breathed’s copyrighted material without permission, here is a great link to his books and merchandise.  Go relive the best political cartoonist of all time. I already have all his books.  

 UPDATE: I’m not sure who got to Bloom County first, but you should look at Hogewash’s take as well.

Yes, we are looking different.

I’ve been unhappy with my theme for quite a while, but hadn’t found anything I liked better.  Till now.  I don’t know if I’m in love with this new theme, but I do like how much cleaner the blog looks with it.  I’ll experiment with it for a while, and see if I grow to love it, or if I get annoyed with it.  At any rate, I’d imagine that there will be a few aesthetic changes going on around here for a week or two till I’m happy with the looks again.

UPDATE!

Changed again.  I like this one a little better.  Two themes in one day, I’m exhausted.

UPDATE II

I’m liking this theme more and more.  Open to more suggestions.

Same Time Next Year…

Way back when I served as Vice-President of Theatre Huntsville, the only position I’d ever accept on the board of directors for that organization again, I had the chance to work on a great play.  It was “Same Time Next Year” and I got the chance to do some really great things as the Technical Director.  For one, the set build was fun and exciting, as I had a very condensed timeframe, uncooperative weather, and since it wasn’t performed in our usual venue, some serious drawbacks.  The biggest hurdle was building a 24 foot wall, with windows and a door in the center, and the door had to slam.  But I could, in no way, attach the wall to the floor.  A little ingenuity and about a quarter ton of steel weights and sandbags worked wonders, and the wall was rock solid for the run of the show.

I also got to do some creative stuff for the show.  Since this play was a “special addition” to the regular season, the main stage show was already rehearsing in our scene shop and rehearsal space.  So I had to build our set around the build of another set, and I had to come up with some fairly technical solutions to real problems.  One of those problems was that the actor had to play piano, but he didn’t know how to play.  So I built a false grand piano, put speakers in it, and on his iPod Touch, he had control of the sound files of the songs he had to play.  It worked beautifully, with the sound coming out of the piano, every night people went up to Carlos, the actor, and commented that they didn’t know he played piano so well.  Okay, Carlos gets some of the credit, he did act it out quite well.

Another problem was the Director didn’t really like the way the play opened.  For those familiar with the movie, the play doesn’t start at the restaurant, it starts the very first time the couple walked into their hotel suite.  The director really liked the setup at the restaurant, but we couldn’t add words to the play, and having a scene change was out of the question.  So what we did instead was open the play with a silent film, that I got to shoot and direct, that set up the play the same as the movie.  The play opened in darkness, and we projected the opening movie onto a screen lowered from the ceiling.  Additionally, we used the screen during the scene changes, since each act was separated by five years.  Our producer was a talented piano player, so he recorded a 3 minutes of music from that 5 year period, and I created a video of images from the same time.  It worked beautifully.

Another thing I started with this play and continued for the next several plays was introducing movie style trailers for the shows.  We heavily used the trailers as television commercials and on social media, and we tracked ticket sales, and releasing a trailer seriously drove ticket sales.  After a year, I burnt out on being the only person available to shoot and edit the trailers, so they aren’t done anymore.  And that’s a shame.  I think they really helped drive sales.

I was reviewing all these trailers last night, and was surprised to learn that the trailer for Same Time Next Year was significantly more popular than the others.  So I thought it might be fun to start a weekly series on the trailers I shot that year, with a little background on my involvement on each of the shows.  I’m not sure what happened to the scene change videos or the opening video, but if I can track those down, I’ll add them at a future date.  But here now is the very first Theatre Huntsville trailer ever shot, and the first play based trailer we could find anywhere in the southeast.  (Many theaters around us started doing them after that first year.)